Donnerstag, 11. März 2010

sleepless night ramble

It is 5 am right now and I am still awake. Nothing is worse for me than having a sleepless night. I went to bed at 4 am yesterday and slept until 12, maybe thats the reason why I can't sleep. Things have been better, I drank a little too much yesterday but thats okay. I had a lot of male attention that night, which was making me slightly uncomfortable. It is because I can not understand how men are interested in me. I just don't like people looking at me.
I did some yoga earlier, which was very relaxing. I should do it more often. I need to do some meditation too. I have to calm myself down a little bit more. Lately my anxiety appeared more often. Somedays it doesn't even stop. It makes me very anxious. Sometimes I wonder if I have a serious illness that makes me light headed all the time. Thats how crazy I think sometimes. I don't remember when exactly I became such an anxious person. Worrying all the time. I hope meditation will help a little with that.
oh and I have some good news: my roomie is away for the weekend, so I'm gonna bury myself in work and don't have to eat.Yay! I'm gonna weigh myself on monday I think. I'm still really afraid, but I guess there is no way around it. I have to face the truth. Because the scale never lies, huh?
I set myself the goal to lose at least 15 pounds until Eastern in 3 weeks.
I think it is very much doable and I am kind of excited to plan everything.
I love making plans, writing mealplans and calculating everything.
well I think I'll have to sleep now.
good night or good morning to you, wherever you are right now.
xoxo


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