Donnerstag, 17. Juni 2010

I am not ready to give up yet..

I did promise to update sooner, but life is not always as planable as my meal plans. I did really good until yesterday. I stood in the supermarket and couldn't resist to buy that chocolate and a package of chips. My mind was rushing as I stood there, I litterally had the chips in my hand for about 5 minutes, because I could't decide weather to buy them or not. I felt like people were already staring at me, wondering what I was doing. I sort of always feel like people are judging me while I'm grocery shopping. And it is so time consuming. I'll go through the aisles, picking up packages, putting them away, picking them up again..rushing through the sweet section just to be there again 5 minutes later, staring at the candy.
But back to yesterday.. I obviously bought the chocolate and also the chips and I finished all of it the same night. All of my hard work of the last week..undone! I was crying later in the shower, after throwing up as quiently as could, so my roommate wouldn't notice (and in my appartment, I can hear my roommate having sex with her bf, while I'm in the bathroom - very disturbing, freaks me out every time). Anyways, today I couldn't get out of bed, it is 4 pm and I haven't eaten anything, I had just a little orange juice (about 34 cal) and water. I am very much depressed today, but writing about it helps a little. I'm supposed to visit my parents today but I just can't. I can not face the outside world today, it is just too much. I just don't know how to go on with life. I am incapable of taking care of myself. I am incapable of accomplishing anything. Where do I go?

Montag, 7. Juni 2010

life is expensive

I have basically been absent this long because my laptop broke and I had to give it away to a repair service. This majorly got on my nerves. For the last two weeks I had no internet access. I realized how much I relay on my laptop in day to day life. I never realized how much I am addicted to the Internet. I watch a lot of TV shows online and I feel like my hole life is in this little machine.. that actually sounds pretty sad.

Meanwhile I was very lazy with exercising, I did nothing during the last weeks. Eating wise it's been up and down. I had some bad days and some good. I can't even weigh myself, because my scale broke as well. Everything brakes lately in my household, it seems like I am haunted by some mad ghost or something.
I don't know if I lost any weight. I feel really bloated today because I am about to get my period and my hole body bloats like a balloon (hate it! don't want to leave the house). However I can't affort to buy a new scale because I had to pay for my laptop reperation and I don't have a lot of money left. I hate to have not a lot of money. I can't wait to finish my degree at university and finding a job.
I did not eat very much today so far, I had coffee, a little apple juice and a banana. I think I'm gonna eat a salad or soup for dinner. I love spinach salad and asparagus these days. A pound only has 60 calories and I normally eat half of that.
I think I'm gonna eat steamed asparagus and spinach salad tonight. Yum!
I drizzle a little balsamic vinegar and put some parsley over it and it is really good and filling.
Tell me your favorite "skinny meals" if you like.

I'll talk write to you soon ( I'm so glad to be back!)