My new years eve was rather horrible.
I felt so out of place.
And I had to eat fatty food.
I prentendet to have stomach cramps, but still I ate some cheese and potato and veggies. Mostly veggies though. I think I had about 400 cal. In the morning I had half a piece of bread and a banana. Not too bad all in all. Ugh but the cheese..
Today I went back to my appartment.
When I came home, I felt relieved but I am still in a depressed kind of mood. I should be excited about the new year, right? About my fresh start, about working hard to reach my skinny dreams. But still I am depressed. I wanted to start my fast today, but stupid me - I found some leftover christmas chocolate. And guess what. Stupid fat girl broke the fast and ate the chocolate. This is not who I want to be.
I have to take responsibility.
I have to be the best I can be.
I want that beautiful thin body.
I want people to look at me and think how beatiful I am, how fragile and exeptionell.
I want to be that starving artist.
I want to be that delicate dancer.
I want to be a living art piece.
I want to be lovable.
Focus on the positive, focus on the positive.. I am trying to make that my mantra.
Here is a list of my new years resolutions.
By the end of this year I want to accomplish:
* reaching my goal weight of 120 lbs
* running regulary or doing another sport (swimming, dancing...)
* finishing my bachelor degree and figuring out what I wanna do afterwards
* finding a boyfriend
* concentrate on real friendships
* changing my lifestyle in beeing more active and productive
*overcoming my depression and anxiety attacks
yes, I think that is pretty much it. I am not sure how to accomplish the last one, maybe I have to look into some kind of treatment.
I'm gonna fast tomorrow. Just water and juice (limited to 200 cal a day).
I have to move on from my chocolate binge.
I hope y'all support me with my fast.
And happy new years everybody!
I whish you all the best, an amazing year of weight loss and accomplishing our dreams!
And also thank you all my followers for beeing there and reading my blog.
You have no idea how much it means to me that you are there.
Thank you so much!