Dienstag, 10. November 2009

well well well

So I've finished my fast yesterday. I was pretty proud of myself for finishing it and having the strength to do it. I had my ups and downs, I could not sleep very much throughout the week-end, which was fine for me, because I was working on a paper for school. So the fast overall went fine, I lost 7 pounds when I stepped on the scale monday morning.
Yesterday was the first time I ate something again. I don't know why but as soon as I had some food in my mouth my body was like screaming for more. To cut the long story short, I had a huge (!) binge, which was like hell for my stomach, it was hurting so bad and in the end I was throwing up like without even trying. It was just horrible and I am so much ashamed for myself. I'm gaining all the weight back, I don't want to think about it. And the most terrible thing is that I was in such a binge mode that I binged again this morning, when my roommate was at school. The good thing about having a roommate now is that I can not binge in front of her. So when she's home I can not binge. I would have kept binging all day if she wasn't there, I bet. So I actually had a healthy meal for dinner with her: salad and grilled chicken.
I am returning to my old plan, fruits and veggies throughout the day and a small dinner with my roomie at night. I am also thinking about taking some dance classes, but I am not sure wether I have the courage or not, to show up at one of those classes. Dance classes are the one thing that I wanted to do for a long time. Particularly ballet classes. But I honestly feel too fat and I am too ashamed of my body for taking such a class.
Well I hope to cheer you up with some better news later this week, when I hopefully didn't gained all weight back from my binging... :( ...
It's about looking forward, right?
take care my lovely readers,


  1. Yes, dont worry. Just think about how much normal people eat everyday without even thinking about it, (a lOOOOT).

    Whats done is done, you cant change yesturday, so good luck with your new plan! :)

  2. The binge after the fast is what I'm always afraid of. What I usually do is give myself 2 options: water and ricecakes. If I don't feel like eating them, I'll know my "hunger" will turn into a binge.
    Good for you for looking forward, though :)All you can do is learn from it.
    I hope all's well and you didn't gain from your binge (which you probs didn't if you puked). My fingers are crossed for you!