After laying in bed for the whole day, drowning in self-pitty I decided to put and end to this dramatic behaviour of mine.
I've had enough!
Of my excuses over excuses. Of my whining and bitching, of my self isolation and lazyness but most of my fears!
I am scared. I have to face it. Depression is comfort, my bed is comfort and food is comfort.
No more, no more.
I want to do things, accomplish something in my life.
I want to succeed in beeing a student, I want to succeed at finding a job, I want to be thin, I want to be more athletic.
I want to have my cake and eat it too (not in that literal sense, but wou know what I mean).
I want to have it all.
And I have to work for it. From nothing comes nothing. I can not stay in bed and wait for a miracle to happen. It is never going to happen and all I'll be doing is wait.
So I set out a plan:
I have my goal, I know where I want to go.
But, in order for me to succeed I'll have to take it slow (not super slow, but I won't be able to fast right away). I am going to restrict my calorie intake more and more, starting at 1200.
I've made a safe food list which I am going to stick most of my time. If I am in a social situation, I am going to allow myself a tiny little portion of whatever. That way I am not going to feel restricted and binge later.
If I feel that I am in danger of bingeing, I am going to allow myself a tiny portion of whatever I am craving as well.
I really hope that this strategy will work for me and keep me from bingeing!
I'll have to come up with a work out plan as well but I haven't yet.
I think I really need a fresh start. I am going to declutter my hole bedroom and the kitchen as well, to make it really official.
so, I have lots to do as you see..
I am gonna check in tomorrow and let you know of my progress.
Maybe I'll type up my safe food list as well if you're interested.
xoxo stay strong & carpe diem!