monday, march 1st

food intake:

coffee 48 cal
orange juice 109 cal
kiwi 37 cal
rice and veggies 358 cal
white whine 320 cal
(total: 782 cal)

I am getting drunk all by myself, finally alone in my apartment. I'm having the worst day today, at least I did well with eating. I am in a funk and I don't know how to get out of it. Maybe blogging helps a little. I am just so mad today. I am crying and asking myself why I am even alive. I get absolutely nothing done, it is so awful. I am so dissapointed in myself in general. Getting drunk is the only thing I feel like doing. And listening to this song I mentioned in my last post, over and over again. I already know the lyrics by heart.
Beeing alone is leaving so much space for all my emotions to release. I don't know if it i a good or a bad thing. I wish I had a much more interesting life.

I was wondering, has anybody of you a journal/book with pictures and inspirational things to collect? I have a journal, but i wish I had a printer at home so I could print pictures and stuff. But I don't use my journal that often anymore, i more likely write stuff on here.

Anyways, i have to work out tomorrow! I didn't do it today.

Sometimes I think I might be an alkoholic, not that I crave to drink all the time but I like to drink when I'm alone. I don't like to drink in public so much, because I feel easily embarrased when I'm drunk.

However I hope y'all had a good day.
I'm just gonna lay down and watch some stupid tv, I think.
xo