constant rewind in my head

having breakfast with my dad
he is kind, he asks me what i want to eat
i dont want to eat
i sit with him
force myself to eat a little
for him
we talk - about nothing really -
petty words
i am leaving
i want to hug him
he grabs my arms
forcing them to stay in place
while kissing me on my cheek
he can not bear his own daughter hugging him
making me feel worthless
his kiss on my cheek meant nothing
it was the easy way out
tears are coming up almost the hole time on my way home
i feel embarressed
what have i done?
what have i done..